Project Runway: I Started Crying

This week’s episode’s guest star is a fashionista’s wet dream. Season Two had Iman, but this week Sarah Jessica Parker judged potential outfits for her Bitten line. Of course, the contestants are starstruck (who wouldn’t be). To keep this up, they’re going to have to get Alek Wek in Season 5.

Time to talk smack about the contestants.

We’ve established that the Bjork Lady is none other than Elisa. Last week, she does wacked out things such as using herself as a dress form and creating a a train that looks like the sewing table scraps. This week she doesn’t fail to disappoint. She sets out to create a polymorphously perverse outfit, to which Tim Gunn‘s initial reaction is “cuckoo” when he sees her work on it. Then, she achieves the most priceless moment of the episode – she spits on the fabric used to create the dress. The reason? To imbue it with her energy, however illogical or insane that may sound to the rest of us Earthlings. Sweet P and Heidi Klum must be on to something as they both wonder what planet Bjork Lady is from. The producers will probably keep her on, right up to Fashion Week as her weirdness safeguards interesting viewing.

My moniker’s going to stick as I find I need little explanation for Bjork Lady. Now to the other contestants. There’s Christian, the weird kid with the asymmetrical haircut who looks like a fey and bitchy Harry Potter. He’s definitely stuck in 80’s retro mode, even though he was a zygote in the era he seeks to recreate. My blog friend Chris calls him the Chris Crocker wannabe, but I think I’ll refer to him as Harry Potter from this time forward. He faces the chopping block for being too retro, and no one seems to care that he’s famous (like being in a room full of Snapes).

Chris (not to be confused with my blog friend) is larger than life, both literally and figuratively. He is very large (not an understatement) and he has a flamboyant knack for dressing drag queens. Last week, the poor guy was lost in the mad dash to pick out his fabrics, but luckily grabbed the ones he wanted. Hopefully, no other challenge will be so physically demanding. Finding a moniker for him is going to be challenging. A blogger some time ago compared him to Otho in Beetlejuice, so now I’m wondering if I should steal this or come up with another.

It’s always interesting when designers profess their straightness, which Kevin did last week. Apparently, he confirmed it in this episode when he pitched his design to Sarah Jessica Parker. After he was done showing Parker his sketch, he quickly got up, leaving her with her hand extended to shake his hand. A queen would have taken time to giver her a hug, which Harry Potter did. However, Tom of Finland (Pocket Edition) doesn’t pay her any deference.

I haven’t gotten a handle on local boy Ricky, though he seems to be a guaranteed source of drama. I need help to come up with a moniker for him.

This season has someone with a bit of an Andy Warhol vibe. In the first season, it was Austin. This time it’s Steven, who is physically bland, but very flamboyantly queeny. Definitely Warhol in his advertising days, while Austin was more like the Factory Warhol.

The challenge was to create an inexpensive outfit that could fit in with the Bitten line. I don’t agree with the winning design – a large, grey sack dress adorned with a matching scarf and a plaid vest. Victorya, as the designer, is the winner, but her team mate, Pocket Biker Daddy himself musters up more enthusiasm than she displays, as if his design was the winner.

I’m definitely sad for Marion and his dandy poor boy look. He created a poncho and skirt combo (which resembled something Carrie Bradshaw would wear), but Sarah Jessica Parker wasn’t wowed. In the end, he went home instead of Harry Potter. With the terms that got thrown at both designers, Pocahontas has got to be worse.

The outfit Chris helped build was surprisingly toned down, like a tunic equivalent of the black dress. The beret definitely helped with the Audrey Hepburn/gamine look, and understatement worked this time. Too bad it didn’t place him and his partner designer in the best or worst category. They were simply in.

I have to admit I liked the polymorphously perverse cape by the Bjork lady. However, I can’t get over that Tim Gunn said “cuckoo.” What other kinds of bitchiness will she draw out of him I look forward to seeing. Perversely, it will be fun to see him lose that urbane cool.

Next week, Ricky has a meltdown. Stay tuned.

2 thoughts on “Project Runway: I Started Crying

  1. Those are some cool monikers. I’ll definitely incorporate them, though I’ll probably have a few for some, such as Kevin (which the constant modifier is pocket).Jack – I like that you called him Reichen with the bad teeth. I think I’ll alternately refer to him as Abercrombie God (for the same reasons as your moniker).Ricky – The Andre comparison is fair, though he also lacks his carefree flamboyant ways. He has Andre’s emotionalism with a bit of Raymundo (one of Andre’s castmates from season 2). To call him Celine Dion is irrestible.Carmen as Martha – hmmm. Sounds interesting, but I wonder if her ex-model past will yield something more fun.This approach is going to be fun.

  2. I, too, was horrified to have realized that I liked Bjork lady’s outfit. The horror! The horror!I also couldn’t believe that she was REJECTING Tim Gunn’s advice! If Tim Gunn tells you to eat dog poop, you eat the dog poop, woman, what’s wrong with you????Christan = “Harry Potter.” Hmm. I could definitely stand to carve a scar into his forehead if it would get him to SHUT UP. For someone who thinks he’s such hot ****, he’s been at the bottom for two weeks (hee hee, I made a pun!).Ricky = LatinoAndre (you remember Andre from season 2 and his 10 minute sob session on the runway?). Girl cries about *everything*. And there’s a smack of Celine Dion with the fifty-two brothers and sisters (or however many there are).Jack = Reichen With Bad Teeth. He’s just as built, just as bland, and it’s just as easy to tell he’s gay when the lights are off.Rami = HGPD (Hot Gay Palestinian Designer).I haven’t come up with one for Carmen yet, but she reminds me of Martha from Dr. Who. Somehow calling her Martha isn’t that interesting, though.And don’t let’s forget “Orange Fashion Designer” Michael Kors. It’s one of the few parts of the Big Gay Sketch Show I actually found funny.My guess? Elisa will be around a little while longer … so will Christian (unfortunately). My money’s on someone boring like Jillian or Kit to go next. They don’t cause drama — they lift right out.

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