The thing I love about Earth Day, whether it’s the environmentally unfriendly fair in Balboa Park or the day itself, is that people can feel good about “going green” for a day. Hell, even the Republicans are in on it these days. Everyone’s buying a hybrid or going vegan, but those things still take plenty of resources. Here are some suggestions I have to help make our planet a cleaner and safer place for all.
Don’t eat. It has become so trendy to go vegetarian or vegan, but think of the water, fertilizer, labor that goes into creating produce. Double that for organic, especially to get fertilizer from compost or from the manure of a BST-free cow. In addition, much more energy and resources must go into making fake hamburgers or cheese, and we really don’t know what is the power source of the food processing machines or what is done with the waste products. Speaking of waste, there is the problem of what happens to food once it’s digested and leaves the body for the toilet. Sewage itself is pretty dirty and not great for the environment, but processing it takes up power and chemicals, which then compounds the problem. By not eating, all of these problems are greatly reduced and a stick thin figure is the reward. In becoming a skinny bitch like many of those size zero models, you can feel good that you’re doing something for the environment.
Become a philistine. That’s right – don’t read. Books, newspapers, and magazines all need a great deal of paper, and who needs to read anyway? Most of humanity has gotten by thousands of years without ever needing to know the value of a single letter or number. In some eras, not even the kings bothered to become literate. They paid other people to read and write for them. Why should we be any different? Borders is inevitably going down the tubes and it doesn’t bode well for the rest of the book business, so let’s hasten this environmentally wasteful industry’s death and stop buying all the paper crap we don’t need.
Whenever possible, adopt a clothing optional lifestyle. Whether it’s cotton, silk, rayon, leather, or even some kind of plastic fiber, they take up considerable resources to produce. The dependence on water, land, factories, energy, and even petroleum all contribute to pollution and depleting the earth. As with the issue of eating, there are the animals to consider. They would exist in a more sustainable amount if they aren’t being farmed for food or clothing. Since the United States imports most of its clothing from countries where the labor is dirt cheap, going naked is only an ethical choice. The demand for exploitative labor would be reduced as well as the factories that harm the environment in those nations.
Sell your car and your house and become homeless. These things take up too much resources and space and they prop up the financial industry, which should be dead already but is on life support from the government. Some Eastern religions would even teach that the house and the car are attachments, so freeing yourself of these things are something you can do to be spiritual and green at the same time.
Stop using the Internet. Do you think computers and cables and satellites grow on trees?
Die. If you really want to help out the environment, dropping out of the gene pool is a sure way to do so. Only, don’t get buried or put in a mausoleum. This whole real estate for the dead is overrated. The living already tax the environment with their demands for living space and it gets worse and worse. The problem’s exacerbated with cemeteries, which increases along with the suburbs. Get cremated and don’t worry about a place to store your ashes. Have them used for ceramics or soap production or anything else where ash is needed. Those who ramble about how the earth is overpopulated should be the first ones to go. Make yourselves useful for once.
Yes, these tips are a bit extreme. Saving the environment as a lifestyle isn’t easy and it requires some hard choices, way beyond just purchasing a Prius or something else green. True commitment takes sacrifice, plenty of sacrifice, but isn’t the Earth’s health worth it?