The Gold Lady is walking down the street, the breath her only friend.
I talked to her on the phone and she told me the Man with the 4-Way Hips broke up with her this morning. When I asked her why, she told me he was tired of being known as the Gold Lady’s boyfriend because he could be famous for much more—that he’s got talented hips, that he’s the bastard son of Elvis, and that he’s incredibly suave.
It is public knowledge that the Gold Lady was the inspiration for the Kid A’s Gold Sutras (when he was in Lizard). Kid A is heard by millions and everyone knows the Gold Lady is the source of such greatness, but how do the swivel hip motions of the Man with the 4-Way Hips compare? “He said,” she told me, “that he must become famous on his own, but why is he suddenly hanging out with Christina Aguilera?”
Of course, he left her for the teenage pop princess,* but he never could say it concretely to the Gold Lady. When he finally got it out of his mouth that he was seeing Christina Aguilera, he fled the hotel room quickly because the Gold Lady would have kicked his ass in a fit of rage. She told me she had to leave the Chelsea for a while, and that she would call her agent and get herself booked on a flight to London.
I asked her if she was going to see Kid A while she was there, and she could not tell me if she would hang up with Toshio (his real name) or hook up with him.
*This was written in 2001, when Christina Aguilera was still a relatively new artist. She’s still around for this scenario to be plausible.