First of December

Apart from Thanksgiving, I’ve had a restful weekend. On Thursday, I had too much food without any room and I hopped around between several parties. The first one with my local friend Brian did me in as I visited him and his family, only to be done in with the traditional turkey, stuffing, mash potatoes, and gravy. Then, I stopped by my mother’s party at her business where she was serving sukiyaki and oden for her employees. I had my sampling, enough so neither she nor her friends nor employees got offended that I didn’t eat anything. I then went off to another friend’s gathering where they were having a gay movie marathon and I escaped being there until 3 in the morning. Last year, I wound up staying too late as Jaylen got us all watching The Book of Daniel, the entire series in one night’s sitting.

David, a longtime friend of mine and fellow Netflix subscriber, showed me the link for Netflix’s Instant Viewing Beta Program for Mac. It’s frustrated me for a while that I was paying all this money to subscribe to Netflix and I was getting bupkis as far as the Instant Viewing program was concerned. It’s safe to say I wound up watching a lot of movies and TV shows this weekend as it saved me from A) installing Vista on my Mac and B) buying something like the Roku player. Below is a screenshot from the documentary Helvetica, which is available for instant viewing.

Oh, here’s the link if you’re a Mac user and want to get on the beta test for Netflix’s Instant Viewing.

I avoided the whole Black Friday thing. Not really. I didn’t take part in the tent cities that sprouted around places such as Best Buy, Walmart, Target, etc. At the Mission Valley Best Buy, there were some people who set up tents near the entrance on Tuesday. I hope it was worth it for them to get stinky and rained on and shiver a bit in the late November San Diego nights. However, I went with Brian to the Otay Ranch Town Center in the late afternoon. We were simply browsing around a few shops which have already been wiped out by the early morning nonsense that took place at every retail outlet in the country. I did get to see the ultimate spectacle at Macy’s, which was a salesgirl in Ugg boots.

It’s back to reality, of sorts, on Monday morning. It’s also the second day of Advent, which means Christmas isn’t too far behind. Maybe I’ll have a grinchy VLog post once again. 😉

Oh, Happy December to you all. Please keep the Christmas music away from me.

No More Santa

Ever faced the moral dilemma of telling your kids there is no Santa? You shouldn’t have even led them to believe the fat man in the red suit lives in the North Pole and goes on a frantic global mission to deliver presents to middle class white kids.

Here’s a brief short film by Psychic Bunny about how one man decides to tell his daughter the truth about Santa Claus. No, it’s not right, but funny nontheless. Enjoy the Christmas satire.

Last Minute Gift Ideas, Part I

I’ve managed to outdo myself and my friends on the grinchy post I did on Monday. A mix of satire and true sentiment, it’s a hard one to follow. Since I more or less got my negative ideas about Christmas out in the open, I’m doing a 180 on this one. While I’m not gleefully embracing Christmas cheer, the least I can do is offer my assistance when it comes to last minute gift ideas.

As you know, one of my gift pet peeves is ties. My take on it is that unless you have impeccable taste, don’t do it. I’m sure you all have your ideas of those horrid gifts you don’t want but can’t quite say no to without hurting the giver’s feelings. This post could go on indefinitely with white elephant candidates, but I’m throwing out gift ideas that are hard to go wrong with.

Gift Cards
This is definitely recommended for those people on your Christmas list who are hard to shop for. You can easily find these items in supermarkets, department stores, boutiques, and major retailers such as Target, Walmart, and even Costco. Here are some of my top choices:

  1. iTunes: Definitely a gift for the music lover and iPod user in your family. The cards come in different colors, shapes, and values, and can be redeemed for music, movies, audiobooks, TV shows, and movies on the iTunes store.
  2. Borders: If you know they like books but don’t quite know what to get them, this is perfect.
  3. Sephora: Why risk getting a perfume or cologne that isn’t right at all? Let them discover a signature scent or choose other kinds of cosmetics available to them. Perfect for fashionistas, metrosexuals, and everyone else.
  4. Target: It’s amazing how many Target whores (those who love shop at Target) there are. This card covers a multitude of gift ideas, meaning it’s easy for that person to get what they really want.
  5. Visa Gift Card: The most versatile of the gift cards, it can be used almost anywhere. There should be no excuse for bad gifts when you can get this.

While these aren’t the only options out there, consider getting one of these instead of an awful physical gift they’ll never use. More ideas to come in the next couple of days.

The Gift of Duct Tape

Let’s get one thing clear – it’s not spelled DUCK tape. However, there is a company that capitalizes on the misspelling, but this is a trademarked term like Band Aid or Xerox.

In my very grinchy post, I suggested the gift of Duct Tape for those in your life who just won’t shut up. Buy some, put a bow on it, and tell them to shut up for the rest of 2007 and 2008 as their Christmas gift to you. I also mentioned that I’d think about some worthy candidates. Here they are:

  1. Our current President, Texas’ favorite son. To quote Spock from Star Trek VI, “I’d pay good money to hear him shut up.” Thank God there’s only one more year of hearing his idiotic stutterings and mispronounciations. Unfortunately, he and his administration has done at least 50 years worth of damage.
  2. Bishop Peter Akinola. This man needs to leave the American Episcopal Church alone. Like the late Jerry Falwell, he has found the gay community to be a galvanizing force for his extreme agenda (and American money).
  3. Anne Coutler. To quote Emily in The Devil Wears Prada, “I’m hearing this (fingers and thumb moves like a mouth) and I want to hear this (thumb and fingers together, still).”
  4. Larry Craig. Waiting for him to leave office in January 2009 isn’t short enough. He’s also in deep, deep denial.
  5. Chris Crocker. He doesn’t YouTube much any more, but he’s apparently lurking around LA camped in front of Britney’s house. After his last lovely letter to his his fans, he really needed to put a stop to it. He and Larry Craig should get together (he needs a sugar daddy, Craig needs a boy) and fade into obscurity.

Those are my candidates (as far as public people are concerned). Feel free to send them gifts of duct tape (or Duck Tape), and don’t forget to include the bow.

Christmas Is Over If You Want It

I’m tired about ranting about school and using it as an excuse for my sparse amount of postings in December. So here’s my Christmas Rant.

First thing: Thank God CHRISTMAS WILL BE OVER one week from today. All the hype, all the crowds in the mall, and all the fake Holiday cheer, will be all done in a week. The crass commercial hype starts on Black Thursday and doesn’t end until the post-Christmas clearance sales. I especially hate the fake holiday cheer and feigned niceness. What happened to the 350 odd days out of the year? If someone’s mean and nasty most of the time, then they should maintain it through the season. Are they afraid they’re going to wind up in Hell for being a prick/bitch/cunt during the holidays? Shouldn’t they fear that anyways if that’s where their mentality takes them? My suggestion for those Christmas hypocrites – work on self-improvement every day.

If there’s someone you hate (relative, cubicle neighbor, boss, etc) on your Christmas list, don’t bother. In the case of family such as in-laws, cousins, or even siblings, some feelings are going to be hurt. However, you might resent them for hurting your feelings during the rest of the year. As for the co-worker or boss, get promoted or transferred, or find a new job altogether. Don’t waste your money or your time on people who get on your nerves with no redemption in sight.

If you must get a gift for those who grate on you, buy some duct tape, put a bow on it, and tell them that you want them to zip it the rest of the year (and the next) as their Christmas gift to you.

Speaking of gifts, don’t buy people ties without knowing what they like. It’s one thing for children to do it. It’s the duty of fathers with young children to suck it up and wear the awful ties their kids gave them. Adults who engage in this practice should be hanged by the ties they bought.

If you must absolutely insist on giving clothes, please include a receipt.

Christmas trees – why bother? In the end, they’re only good for the fireplace or mulching. If people are to persist in this wasteful practice, then they should do something environmentally responsible. Paper companies taking people’s trees (along with all that gift wrap) after the holidays should be one option. Getting the trees shredded into mulch is better as it benefits plants. If you’re too selfish to give away their trees, there’s always the chainsaw to chop it up for firewood.

So that’s it for now. Hopefully, your holidays are going well. Don’t give in to your impulses to kill that someone. You’ll be glad you did.